Saturday, January 21, 2012

Becoming A Mother Part 3

The first round of hormone shots was disappointing, but still the doctor reassured us that this was normal and to try another round. Well, we ended up doing two more rounds of the hormone shots. Each time I had TONS of eggs show up on the ultrasound and each time my result was a negative pregnancy test. After the third try the doctor was finally ready to start running tests. They scheduled me for a Hysterosalpingogram (Uterotubogram) or HSG, which in short is an x-ray of the uterus and fallopian tubes. They injected this dye in and then took the x-ray. Simple yes, but painful beyond belief! I screamed and was doubled over for about an hour. Some women have no problems, some have mild cramps afterwards, but me, I had serious intense pain unlike anything I'd ever felt before. They had suggested taking some pain medication before we arrived and I did, but it didn't even touch this pain!

I got over the pain, it went away after another hour. The point of the whole test was to see if there was something abnormal with my uterus or to see if I had an abnormality or blockage in the fallopian tubes. Sometimes, though the injection of the dye will actually unblock the fallopian tubes. When the results came back they were encouraging but disappointing as well. I was perfectly normal in there, nothing blocked or abnormal. So, once again, why wasn't I able to conceive?

I know what your thinking by now, what about your husband? Well, that was the next step. He went in to get his "stuff" checked out as well. Same results, encouraging but disappointing. There was nothing wrong with his baby making material and yet we still weren't able to conceive a baby. This just wasn't making ANY sense!

Around the time we found out there was nothing physically hindering us from having a baby, my sister called to tell me she was pregnant. As happy as I was to become an Aunt, I was equally as upset about my own inability to have a baby. I tried so hard to be cheerful with her on the phone and choked back the tears that began fill my eyes as I talked to her. Through the whole conversation all I wanted to do was hang up and crawl in a hole. Maybe this was a sign, maybe I wasn't meant to have babies, maybe my internal turmoil would be worth it, maybe I was meant for even bigger things. At least, I hoped there was a reason.

Did you miss the previous Parts to the story? Follow the links below to catch up:
Click here for Part 1!
Click here for Part 2!

Continue reading Becoming a Mother Part 4! Then on to Part 5!

Have a great day dear followers!


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