Friday, May 15, 2015

A World Of Change

So much has happened in the last year.  I don't know where to begin.

I started dating again. And I met someone. We plan on getting married. I will admit I was a little lost for a while after my husband passed. When I first started dating it was weird and it felt like I was cheating on him every time I went on a date. Kissing was also a little weird as well. I had been so used to kissing the same person for the last 10 years that I really wasn't sure how to do it anymore. It was like I was a school girl again, trying to figure out how to kiss.

It still is weird to think about being married again, but also a relief that I can share my life with someone again. I know that God is all one needs, but I also believe that God wants me to have a leader in my home to be a provider, a comforter, a friend, for me and a father to my girls. They love him, he is great with them, and he loves them as well. What more could I ask for?

Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control, we had to move from our farm. We had built a brand new house and moved in just 4 days before my husband passed away. It was hard for me to leave, the house was built FOR ME and everything it was, was for our family's future. But, now I know it was for the best. It was a move that needed to happen. My daughters are much happier at our new home and although we are currently renting and will possibly move again, we are in the right place this time. I feel at home here, in this area, in this community.

We moved back to the area where my mom and sister live. It has been amazing being close to them again. I didn't realize how much I missed my family until I came back to this area. The girls love playing with their cousins as well, its like they have been close and played together their whole lives. I think it is just amazing how resilient and go-with-the-flow kids can be.

There is so much more I need to add, and hopefully in the coming weeks I can start keeping this blog up a bit better than I had been!

So, if your still out there dear followers, please stay with me!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

I'm still here.

I would like to apologize to you, my dear followers, I have left you high and dry without a single post since February. It was like life was put on hyperspeed and I just haven't been able to catch up. A lot has happened and hopefully I can catch you up, so please stay with me!

Just checking in to say I'm still here!

Have a blessed day,

Sunday, February 02, 2014

I'm surviving

I'm surviving without him, I didn't think it was possible, but I am. It has been almost two months since my husband passed away suddenly. Everywhere I go I see things through new eyes. The way people react and interact and go about their lives seems so odd to me now. I'm not really sure how to explain this new enlightening, but its like I had been looking through a foggy glass for 29 years and then suddenly it was wiped clear and I can see things exactly how they are without the smoke and mirrors. Things that seemed so important no longer are, they seem like tiny distractions now. Songs and sayings have new meanings, they are more personal and reach me in a place I never knew.

I have been battling with my purpose a lot lately. Why am I here, what is my purpose, how do I find my purpose, how am I supposed to live, what does God want me to do? All these questions and more are constantly running rampant through my head. Do I wait, listen, run, what? I'm listening but I just don't hear anything. I feel this urgency but I have NO clue what to do about it. I don't feel lost, I just feel unknown. I know that sounds weird, to feel unknown, I am sure there is a technical term for it but for me, I feel unknown.

I'm just surviving.

Have wonderful night dear followers,


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