The Greatest Loss

 This time of year is very confusing for me. I'm not sure how I should feel and no matter what I feel, I always feel like it is wrong. My son was born this time of year and I love seeing him grow and love celebrating him. At the same time, my nephew was also born this time of year and that makes me extremely sad. Sad because my sister doesn't get to see him grow or celebrate with him each year. He was struck by a car and killed 3 years ago when he was walking home from summer school, at just 8 years old. I never want to get a phone call like that again, to hurry to the hospital because... It wasn't good. 

Children aren't supposed to die.

I remember trying to get to the hospital as fast as I could, probably going faster than I should on the backroads. I called my Dad. I was a little frantic, not knowing what exactly happened, if he was going to be ok, what to do if he wasn't ok. Thankfully, my Dad had the piece of mind to keep a calm voice and just said to "Be there for your sister." My nephew had already passed by the time I got there. I almost regret going in to see him, but I felt like my sister needed me there. The vision of him beat up, laying lifeless is permanently ingrained in my mind. The memory of my sister holding his delicate little hand is almost unbearable to have floating around in my memory bank and even now describing it, churns my insides and instantly brings tears to my eyes. And not just a single tear, flowing tears, the kind that are relentless and just don't stop.

I honestly don't know how my sister copes. I use the word cope because you just don't "get over" or "forget" a death like that.  I don't know how she gets out of bed each day. I'm am absolutely sure there are days when it is particularly harder for her to to do so, but the fact that she does and continues to do so like a Champion ever day makes her the strongest person I have ever known in my life.

The sad reality that my nephew is not the first nor will he be the last child to die is absolutely excruciating to think about. 

Maybe one day I will write more about that day, but for today, this is all I can manage. 

Hug your loved ones extra tight each night dear followers,