I'm surviving

I'm surviving without him, I didn't think it was possible, but I am. It has been almost two months since my husband passed away suddenly. Everywhere I go I see things through new eyes. The way people react and interact and go about their lives seems so odd to me now. I'm not really sure how to explain this new enlightening, but its like I had been looking through a foggy glass for 29 years and then suddenly it was wiped clear and I can see things exactly how they are without the smoke and mirrors. Things that seemed so important no longer are, they seem like tiny distractions now. Songs and sayings have new meanings, they are more personal and reach me in a place I never knew.

I have been battling with my purpose a lot lately. Why am I here, what is my purpose, how do I find my purpose, how am I supposed to live, what does God want me to do? All these questions and more are constantly running rampant through my head. Do I wait, listen, run, what? I'm listening but I just don't hear anything. I feel this urgency but I have NO clue what to do about it. I don't feel lost, I just feel unknown. I know that sounds weird, to feel unknown, I am sure there is a technical term for it but for me, I feel unknown.

I'm just surviving.

Have wonderful night dear followers,