It has been a month since I started my Cize & Shakeology Challenge Pack. I wasn't sure how it was going to go, I didn't know if I was doing the right thing, I felt guilty about taking care of me, but I was excited. I was excited I finally decided to take control of my life, my health, my fitness, for my family.

This excitement quickly diminished after the 2nd week. I was in pain. My body felt broken. I felt defeated. I didn't realize how much abuse I had put my body through until the pain came screaming back at me during each workout. I tried pressing on, no pain no gain right? But it got worse. I had to stop, I missed a day, then tried again... it was bearable so I did the workout again... next day I skipped... next day I skipped again... next day I could workout again. I felt like a failure like my body was completely betraying me. I wanted this to work so bad that failing this so soon was depressing.

It took me a couple days to realize that I wasn't failing. I was listening to my body and doing what I could. I was doing something, which was more than I had been for the past year. I was still drinking my Shakeology every day. I was still watching my portions every day, I just couldn't perform the workouts every day.

Thankfully, I had a check up with my doctor scheduled last week. I told him everything I was doing as well as my concerns. Evidently, exercise is the best thing I can do
right now. We discussed some options for the pain and I was sent home with a new outlook.

Failing would have been throwing in the towel and stopping everything. Failing would have been taking steps backwards instead of keeping the pace and trying to move forward. Failing would have been not seeking my doctor's advice. Failing would have been hiding behind the keyboard and keeping this confession to myself.

And despite it all when I stepped on the scale I was absolutely shocked that I had lost 10 pounds.10 pounds, just doing what I could do!

So today, this is my confession but it is also my hope that it becomes your inspiration. Keep it up and fight the fight. You are winning even when it feels like you are not. You are winning by just doing!

This experience has reminded me so much of what I need to do in my faith and my relationship with God. Some days I get so caught up in what I am not doing, what I should do, that I forget to remember what I have done and what I am capable of doing now even if there are things I can't do or that I don't know. God sees my efforts and knows my heart. I just have to keep up my fight for him and search for him.

Have a wonderful day dear followers!

December is supposed to be a month of celebration, celebrating the birth of our Lord Jesus and being Thankful for His Love and Salvation through Him. My birthday is also in December as well, which is always exciting. Instead of a month of celebration, I was thrown a huge curve ball. Nothing could have prepared me for this tragedy.

My husband had a heart attack and he died.

Yes, you read that correctly, he died. I am still in disbelief and each day I still expect for him to walk through the door, like he is coming home from work. Each night I realize my new reality, the reality that he is gone and won't be coming back.

Our daughters are 4 years old and 2 years old. The 2 year old has absolutely no concept of death and the fact that her Daddy died, she still looks for him and asks when he is coming home. I am sure this will last for a long while. My 4 year old doesn't really understand death but she does understand that Daddy can't come back. It is so hard to watch her each time she forgets and I have to remind her he is gone. Her eyes sadden, a frown covers her sweet smile, and then she cries. I tell her she is okay and that its okay to be sad because we miss him. She calms easily and then goes on playing.

At first I wondered how I could live without him. He was my best friend and my whole world. Then I wondered why. Why did this have to happen to him, to us, to our girls?

It's just not fair.

Who is a widow at 28 (well 29 now)?

I didn't eat for several days after he died. I didn't feel hungry and when I did eat, food tasted horrible. I am guessing it was some sort of side effect from shock. I immediately went into survival mode, trying to get a handle on accounting, when bills were due, ect. Since my husband took care of all this, it has been a new experience for me but not impossible to handle. My husband had told me time and time again that "even though bad things happen you have to continue taking care of your responsibilities." I guess he had learned this the hard way when his father passed years ago, so he always made sure this was ingrained in my head.

My husband was a brilliant man, I'm not saying it because he was my husband, he really was brilliant. As each day passes I remember things he taught me and I feel comforted, but at the same time, as each day passes I also realize just how much I tuned him out on certain things, things I wish I had paid more attention to while he was still here. I always thought we would have many many many years together, I never grasped the concept that time is short and every word spoken is SO important.

Daddy and Big Sister

I've been looking to God for a lot of guidance lately and sadly I have been in my Bible more than ever, since my husband passed. I regret this greatly because I think our marriage and our life would have been enriched so much more had I sought God's guidance more often. I do realize that I can not change the past, but I have committed myself to improving in the future. My daughter's deserve a mother who is actively and wholeheartedly seeking God.

My home was busy all of December. Until this tragedy hit, I never really had a grasp for how much love and support I really have in life. Our families and friends are awesome and have been here every step of the way to fill in the gaps when needed or just to be here for the girls and I. I am still in awe of the outpouring help, its just been amazing.

Daddy and Little Sister

Everyone keeps telling me to take one day at a time, and I am trying, but I can't help looking at the big picture and trying to prepare for the future. Every day is a challenge, it is hard, and I'm not going to lie, it has been a pain, especially around the farm. Since the funeral, it seems like something breaks or goes wrong EVERY single day. But every day there is SOMETHING that goes oh so right, and I just bask in the good moments and soak them up.

 So, please be patient with me dear followers while I figure out this new life, a life without my love, but a life that I am driven to do so much more with.



Have a wonderful night dear followers,

The Bible Series premiering on History Channel March 3rd 2013 Sundays at 8PM!

From Executive Producers Roma Downey and Mark Burnett comes The Bible — an epic 10-part miniseries retelling stories from the Scriptures for a whole new generation. Breathtaking in scope and scale, The Bible features powerful performances, exotic locales and dazzling visual effects that breathe spectacular life into the dramatic tales of faith and courage from Genesis through Revelation. This historic television event is sure to entertain and inspire the whole family! Where will YOU be 3.3.13?

The Bible is a living text and each person interprets it differently at different points in their life. I am interested to see how the History Channel has interpreted The Bible. I am also interested in their accuracy and their relevance for today. If you were helping create this series, what aspects of The Bible would you want to put emphasis on and how would you go about recreating it in film? In preparation, the History Channel has come up with a nifty little Blog App for your pre-premiere viewing pleasure. Check it out and then complete the rafflecopter form below for your chance to WIN a $15.00 Walmart Gift Card!


a Rafflecopter giveaway
Have a wonderful evening dear followers!






Disclaimer: Please note that I was not compensated in any way through this post or giveaway. The History Channel provided me with the materials to complete the post and giveaway to help promote The Bible Series.

Okay, so I got a little over ambitious about posting EVERY day for the 25 days of CHRISTMAS... should have known better! Anyways, here are the Verses for Days 4-12, sit back and relax cause this one is a long one:

Days 4-12
Verses: 1 Peter 4:1-10 NLT
So then, since Christ suffered physical pain, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude he had, and be ready to suffer, too. For if you have suffered physically for Christ, you have finished with sin. You won’t spend the rest of your lives chasing your own desires, but you will be anxious to do the will of God. You have had enough in the past of the evil things that godless people enjoy—their immorality and lust, their feasting and drunkenness and wild parties, and their terrible worship of idols.
Of course, your former friends are surprised when you no longer plunge into the flood of wild and destructive things they do. So they slander you. But remember that they will have to face God, who will judge everyone, both the living and the dead. That is why the Good News was preached to those who are now dead—so although they were destined to die like all people, they now live forever with God in the Spirit.
The end of the world is coming soon. Therefore, be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay.
God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.
What does this mean to me? As a Christian I am a changed person. My desires will now be centered towards God and his will and not my own. I should not worry what the lost think for they will be judge by God, all I can do is witness the truth. I should do this earnestly because no one knows when the end is near! I also have special gifts and need to act on them and use them as God wants me to! Not only does Christmas remind me of the Gift of Jesus Christ, but also of the wonderful Spiritual gifts that God has given me through the Holy Spirit! How GREAT is our God!

Have a great evening dear followers and THANK you for hanging in there with me on this goof up!

Day 3
Verse: Hebrews 5:7 NLT
While Jesus was here on earth, he offered prayers and pleadings, with a loud cry and tears, to the one who could rescue him from death. And God heard his prayers because of his deep reverence for God.
What does this mean to me? If Jesus needed to offer prayers and pleadings during His time of trials and suffering, how more so should I pray and plead! And if I go to God in the same manner as Jesus, God will hear my pleas.

May God Bless you dear followers!

Recap Day 1: Follow God and let my conscience be my guide.
Day 2
Verse: Hebrews 2:14-15 NLT
Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying.
What does this mean to me?  I am a daughter of God, but as a human I am tainted by the sinful nature passed down to me through the line of Adam. I am saved from my sins because God gave me a marvelous gift, Jesus Christ his son, who paid the ultimate price for me! And because he was perfect, made perfect, only He could be the one to set me free from my sins. How wonderful it is that my sins are washed away because of Him. I am so thankful for the ultimate gift. Christmas is a time to reflect on that gift given to us, a precious baby that became more than just a man, God's son! Because He died for me and my sins, I want to do all that I can for Him and to further His Kingdom!

God Bless you dear followers!

I am going to attempt to setting goals for myself and family during the 25 days of Christmas. I am going to work towards putting Christ first and learning what he wants for me in my life!
Day 1
Verse: 1 Timothy 1:19 NLT
Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked.
What does this mean to me? Always do what is right in the eyes of the Lord and do not disobey because if I am able to ignore what God wants for me once, it becomes easier and easier to continue to follow the wrong path and end up in distruction.
May Peace be with you dear followers and always let your conscience (the Holy Spirit) be your guide!
Have a wonderful day dear followers!

Why should we give thanks?

Hebrews 12:28 says:


But the greatest reason of all is stated in John 3:16-17


Eternal LIFE! Wow, that is pretty amazing and THAT is worth being Thankful for every day!

How do we show our thanksgiving?


In David's Psalm of Thanks in 1 Chronicles 16:8-36 you can feel the intensity, passion, and love that David had for the Lord in each word and phrase. It is absolutly beautiful and I would like to share it with you. So sit back and get comfortable, its a long one!

Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name;

Self Doubt is my biggest weakness in general, but even more so when it comes to my Faith. Unfortunately, much more often that I'd care to admit, a tiny voice in my head tells me to play it safe, don't take risks, that there is always someone out there that can do things better than me, that I am a nobody, I couldn't possibly help lead someone to finding Christ, or make a difference. I've been slowly coming to the realization that the voice is Not from God. That voice wants me to fail, falter, and give in because if I do, I Can't/Won't make a different. And by make a difference, I don't mean something huge like curing World Hunger over night (although that would be amazing), I am talking about the small things, small things that when added up over time DO make a difference.

I can't quote the Bible inside and out, but sometimes people just need your encouragement because the Faith inside you pours out and envelopes them. When you are a Christian on the inside, it overflows onto the outside where people can see it. Sometimes to make a difference, you just need to send a text, or pick up the phone and make a call, or send a card.  The more I do the little things that make a difference, the more the self doubt seems to be left behind because I know that I don't HAVE to do something huge to make a difference for the Kingdom of God. I just have to care enough to try and do things for all the right reasons.

Normally, I post a Freebie Friday on Friday mornings. It is a craft posted by MyMemories. I decided last week and this week as well that I would NOT be posting the craft as it was a coffin box and was focused on Halloween. In our home we do not celebrate Halloween.

In General when people think of October the first thing that comes to mind is Halloween, "Trick-or-Treating", and Costumes. I had not really thought about why we (Americans) celebrate Halloween until after my children were born. Big Sister was about 4 months old for her first Halloween and I thought it would be "So Cute" to dress her up and walk around with my Sister and her girls as her oldest went door to door. After that day, I began to really think about what was behind Halloween and if I really wanted my family celebrating this "holiday". The more my husband and I read about Halloween (which literally sent chills down my spine) and the more we read the Bible, the clearer that answer has become to us. In our home we will not celebrate Halloween.

To get an idea of the History of Halloween, I would encourage you to visit the article written on History.com (http://www.history.com/topics/halloween).

There is also a very good article written on CBN.com answering the question "Should Christians Celebrate Halloween?" (http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/OnlineDiscipleship/Halloween/halloween_Watt05.aspx)

Even though Halloween is highly commercialized in this day in age and no one "really" understands where it came from, I still feel like it is wrong for our family to celebrate the "holiday." I stand for the truth and want my girls to always stand for the the truth, and the truth is in our Lord Jesus Christ.

What are your thoughts about Christianity and Halloween?

Have a blessed day dear followers!
 Kelsey

(For some reason our internet is being, weird, so my normal signature is not available for this post! Hopefully, I can fix it later!)

Yesterday I had mentioned going on a Women's Church Retreat. All I can say is Wow, God is AWESOME! Our group of 13 women stayed at a house on Lake Berkly in Kentucky. It was beautiful and refreshing to be on the lake.



I had SO much fun and learned SO much. Not only did I learn about God, but about myself and the other women as well. I am just amazed at everything that I was able to experience in just a three day weekend!

I could go on and on and on about everything that happened, but I will just give you a summary of what I learned:

Sometimes you have to STOP and listen. Get away from your normal day to day life and jump out of your "box". Listen to what God has to tell you, He is always there and can speak to you directly or indirectly through people and situations. Pray! Pray all the time and don't be afraid to be specific. His answer is NEVER "No." It is either "Yes," "Not Now," or " I have something better planned." Seek God in everything and every situation and Praise HIM! Never stop doing, the moment you STOP doing, your faith dies. You have to make time to STAY IN YOUR WORD! You can read the same passage 50 times and on the 50th time learn something TOTALLY different and new! Don't be afraid of the gifts God gives you, trust that He knows exactly what He is doing and act on those gifts. 

I'm sure you may be saying, well that is silly, I've heard a lot of those comments before, why is she JUST now getting it. Well, being TOLD something and LIVING IT are totally different things. The last line was something that I had been battling with a lot lately. Through the Retreat, I was able totally surrender to God and use the gift he has given me. It was both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time! I know God has great plans for me and I am so excited to learn more!

  My soul yearns for you in the night;
in the morning my spirit longs for you.
When your judgments come upon the earth,
the people of the world learn righteousness.
Isaiah 26:9 NIV

Have wonderful day and God Bless you dear followers!

Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise. Jeremiah 17:14 (NIV) 

Growing up I never really saw the healing power of God firsthand. Last month, however,  I witnessed it continuously and even experienced it firsthand. It is amazing and proof that God is alive and very present even in this crazy day in age!

Each Sunday last month church members were being healed. All had different ailments that they were ready to give to God. I found it amazing and unreal, even though I saw it with my own eyes and heard the testimony with my own ears.

I have had constant back pain for years, I've just been able to tune it out until the pain gets too bad. I never realized it until now, but the devil knows that pain is one of my big weaknesses. All he has to do is throw a little pain my way and I fall off the path that God wants me on. I let it rule over me and hope that it goes away soon, instead of looking to God for help.

Last Sunday, my back was hurting more than usual. I was fed up! I decided that I was too young to hurt this bad and I needed help. It was a big step for me to ask for prayer for myself, I always seem to want to pray for others and have others helped. I went up to the alter, the elders prayed, anointed me with oil, and my back was immediately pain free, Praise God. It was strange to me to feel no pain because I had been in pain for so long.

I have been unable to STOP telling everyone about my healing. I WANT this for others and I know that God wants to do it for other, all they have to do is humble themselves before God and ask for His help! It seems SO simple, but SO hard for so many people to do. I know, because it was hard for ME!

If you need healing, mentally, physically or spiritually, PRAY! Ask God for help, He WILL answer! But also remember that God's answers aren't always immediate, they may be "Not Yet" or "I have something better planned." Seek Him in everything you do and I KNOW you will be blessed!

Have a wonderful day!

"What would you do if you woke up today with only the things
that you were thankful for yesterday?"

This is a quote from a Facebook status I read the other day and it really made me think... 

What am I Thankful for today?

So, random and in no particular order, here is a list of things I am Thankful for today: Jesus, the Bible, my husband, my girls, friends, family, life, love, passion, excitement, compassion, my home, the farm, our horses, my birds, warm showers, hugs and kisses, protection, food, comfort, freedom, electricity, salvation, air conditioning, butterfly kisses, holding hands, star gazing, automobiles, plumbing, my vegetable garden, education, fun, flowers, gravity, dishwashers, ...

I would go on and on, but you get the idea and if I did, my post may end up too long! :)

What does the Bible say about being Thankful?

"16 Rejoice always,17 pray without ceasing,18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Give thanks in all circumstances, " Wow, that is intense. God wants us to be thankful for everything, both the good and the bad. Probably, because the bad gives us valuable insight into what God wants us to know, as well as his plans for us. It shapes us into the person God wants us to be!

 So, What are YOU Thankful for today?

Have a wonderful day dear followers! 

 

 

Three years ago today my life changed forever. I became a Mom. Big Sister was born and life as I knew it would NEVER be the same. I could no longer think of my needs first, sleeping in till noon became a thing of the past, and the amount of time spent on household chore like sweeping, mopping, laundry, and dishes seemed to increase drastically. But it is all worth it especially now that my early mornings include a sweet little face looking up smiling and saying "Good Morning Mama." I get to stop in the middle of chores for "Butterfly Kisses," and before bed I always get hugs and kisses and the sweetest "Good Night, Sweet Dreams" from my precious girl!

Big Sister brushing our barn cat Felix

When I was pregnant with Big Sister, it was hard to imagine loving someone as much as I love my little girl! She has been such a blessing to my and to our family and I don't know what I would do without her. She continues to amaze me every day and I can't wait to watch her grow and see what God has planned for her life. I hope that she will always know and have no doubt that I love her!

So, this post is for her! HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY my Angel Face!

Have a great day dear followers!

Well, I realized tonight that I haven't updated my followers on my lovely Peacocks in a while... so here is the latest, including some photos of Mr. Handsome Houdini, as I affectionately call my Peacock.

In case you had no idea I have a Peacock, here is the short story on how I got him: I went to an auction and bid on two peachicks and a turkey (they were in the same lot). I won and was giddy to bring home my new peachicks, that was about 2 years ago. About a year after I figured out that I had a matching pair of Blue India Peafowl. I was SO excited to have a pair and was excited about hatching eggs in the future. (You can read a little about my Peacocks in these other posts!) One night a predator got into the coop and killed several of my chickens AND my peahen. I was devastated but relieved to still have the peacock. I put him in a more secure location and he faired well, until this year.

I made him a nice outside pen attached to his coop and he would come out for about 10 minutes a day. I figured since he was so shy I would open the pen an let him roam to yard for bugs...

Well, he took off on me. He went MIA for about a  WEEK AND A HALF! Then, then about a week ago I spotted him walking down the road in front of our house. I ran out and caught him (Side note: I got REALLY bad poison ivy/oak from chasing him into the woods, but oh so worth it). I put him in his coop pen and he attacked the sunflower seeds and Flock Raiser that I had set out for him. It was like he hadn't eaten the whole time he was gone (I know he ate, but he sure did miss his normal feed!).

Well, I had to run to town and shut him up in the pen. When I got back he was walking around the yard. It was dark so I didn't want to chase him to catch him and then loose him in the woods, so I herded him towards the coop and he roosted on the roof for the night. Then next morning he was gone. A day later I herd him in the trees down the road. I tried to get him but he was too far up. So, I left him alone and left his food out next to his old coop. The next day he was back in our yard hanging out.

It's been about a week since he came back for good and he enjoys relaxing by my turkey's pen by the woods, he seems to have taken a liking to my Royal Palm Tom. He will walk around the yard and eat bugs and weeds around 5:00PM every night and go down to the area around the coop to get his feed and then up in the trees he goes for the night. I was sure that he was GONE for good the first time he left me and now I am SO excited that he has stayed with me even though he is loose. I am planning a LARGE (more secure) coop and flight pen for him and I can't wait to get a couple peahens for him. I know he misses the peahen I lost a year ago.

I am SO thankful to God that he came back. I was praying that he was safe the entire time he was gone! I know it sounds kind of silly to pray for a peacock, but he is proof that God does answer prayers, even the silly ones! I hope to have MANY MANY more years with him, he is by far my FAVORITE bird that I own!

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Have a wonderful day dear followers!

With "Easter" here, I am both pleased to be able to serve a Mighty God who gave his only Son for my sins and both saddened by the thought that so many don't know Him. I grew up with Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny, but I was also aware of the real "Reason for the Season," thanks to my mother who took us to church and never gave me a reason to doubt that there was a God.

Today, I'm not sure how many generations younger than I actually know why we really celebrate these holidays. They are very much commercialized and parents don't seem to talk to their kids about God and Jesus as much as they used to. I don't know why, I'm guessing they don't know how, aren't sure about the facts themselves, or just really don't care. To me these holidays are serious and very precious. In our home we have decided not to invite Santa and the Easter Bunny in to share in our celebration. Some people think, "Oh your poor kids" or that we are "Taking away a part of childhood" but I don't think that is true. Many times kids put Jesus in the same category as Santa and the Easter Bunny and guess what happens when they finally find out that Santa and the Easter Bunny aren't real? They start to wonder what else you have made up and they start to doubt their belief in God and Jesus. The world tries to give people so many reasons to doubt, I don't want to hand out reasons for my girls to doubt the existence of God and Jesus. I want my girls to trust me to tell them the truth and to be honest with them. I know at times I will fail miserably because I am human, but I pray that the times I fail will not permanently damage them in the long run.

The past couple of weeks at church I have seen amazing healing just through the power of prayer. Doctor's found a cancerous tumor on the kidney of one of the elders in our church. And yes, I did say THE kidney, about 10 years ago he had to have his kidneys removed and replaced by a donor kidney. So, he in fact had a tumor on his donor kidney. Our church family is very strong, especially when it comes to prayer. I always joke about our church having God on speed dial, because every time we need a serious healing and we pray we see results almost instantly. Now, I'm not saying that praying ALWAYS gives you instant results, however this past month we have been blessed as a church to be able to see instant results.

The doctors were able to remove the tumor along with part of the affected kidney. In the hospital, blood results showed that the kidney wasn't functioning as normal, but that was to be expected. About a week went by and our elder went in for more blood tests to check on the kidney, the results were better than in the hospital and showed that the kidney was working like normal. Another week went by and more blood tests, this time the results showed that the kidney was functioning above normal, as if he had two perfectly healthy kidneys.

From what I've been told, the doctors here had never done this kind of surgery nor expected such wonderful results. Praise God for the power of prayer and for healing! God uses doctors for His will and He certainly did for our elder, there is no other way to explain such a miraculous healing! God has big plans for our elder, our church, and our community. He has great plans for you and you too can have God on speed dial if you believe, seek him, and pray!


Have you witnessed divine healing through prayer and God? Leave me a comment and share, I'd love to hear your story!

Have a wonderful morning dear followers!

After my niece was born, I was at the stage where I kind of gave up having a baby. I tried to find things to replace the baby I couldn't have. I decided to raise chickens and ducks. I got a puppy, our farm dog was old, we weren't sure how much longer he was going to live and we desperately needed to have a dog in place to follow his footsteps. I later bought a couple calves to raise for freezer beef. I got them as young as possible so that I could bottle feed them and take care of them like a mother. At the time I didn't realize I what I was doing, but now it seems to obvious. I was so proud of my "babies" and worked hard to make them the best they could be.

Late Spring, Early Summer of 2008 I was surprised when my period was a couple days late. I took another pregnancy test thinking "whats the point" but I got a faint positive line. Was I pregnant? We waited a couple more days and I took another one, negative.  I don't know whether or not I had been pregnant but the egg didn't "stick" or if I had bought a faulty test. I didn't really care, it gave me hope. Hope that a having a baby was still possible for me.

In the fall,  I got sick and had to go to the ER for fluids. I went through a couple rounds of medication and it seemed to fix me right up. I didn't jump back into my busy world like I usually did, but instead took it slow. 

Around mid October 2008 my period was late again. My husband I had ran to the grocery store and while out picked up a test. He couldn't even wait for the groceries to be brought in, he made me rush and take the test. I  took the test and set in on the counter. I looked away, hoping not to "jinx" it. I stood over the counter and looked at the test. It was a very strong positive! I was in shock, was it true? Was I pregnant? I went outside to help my husband, who had started bringing in the groceries. He stopped and looked at me. I smiled and said "I'm pregnant."  I think he almost passed out, and he sat on the ground against the tires of the truck to take it all in. When he got himself together he got up and we hugged. God had answered our prayers, we were going to parents.

Missed the beginning of the series?
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Thanks for reading dear followers! Have a great night!

There were several events in our life that kind of put the whole "baby making" business on hold; however, once all the dust settled we picked up where we left off and moved to the next step. I was given the hormone shots once again and then scheduled for Intrauterine Insemination or IUI. This procedure was considerably less painful than I expected. I had expected the same pain as I endured with the previous procedure, but was pleasantly surprised when there was none. The waiting game was almost unbearable and yet again we were faced with more disappointment.

At this point my husband and I decided to take a step back and reevaluate our situation. We both decided to stop moving forward with treatments and tests. If God wanted us to have children we would. We left it at that and moved on. We both became busy and involved in our daily life. I was still depressed every month when it became very obvious that I wasn't pregnant. The reality that I would most likely not have a baby was becoming more and more intense, but I continued to keep busy and tried my hardest to put it out of my mind. 

As I look back and remember everything that was going on back then, I think that I tried to stay busy and convince myself that I wasn't upset about not being able to conceive (even though inside I was falling apart) because I didn't want to doubt God. I didn't want to be angry at Him for choosing a different path for me. I knew I needed to let go and put my faith in him, I just didn't know how to let go, nor did I want to. I wanted control over my life, I wanted, I wanted, I wanted, I wanted.

Looking back now, I can see clearly what was wrong with the whole situation, me. I wasn't doing anything except feeling sorry for myself. I wanted control, but at the same time I wanted God to help us. My faith was "supposed" to be in Him and yet I didn't pray. I pleaded but didn't truly pray nor did I thank Him for all that I did have in my life.

Several months passed and I got the call that my niece was born. I was SO excited and couldn't wait to meet her. The instant I met my sweet little niece I couldn't believe how tiny and perfect she was, I loved her instantly! My thoughts then went to the day my sister called me to tell me she was pregnant, I was so upset at myself for feeling so upset and jealous. My niece was such a blessing to my sister and to our family, but I had not even seen it that way at first. Where did this selfish person come from? I didn't like that person very much and decided that if I couldn't have a baby of my own, I sure could be the best Aunt ever!

If you missed the previous parts of this series, you can read them by clicking here:
Part 1 -- Part 2 -- Part 3

Then, Move on to Part 5!

Have a wonderful night dear followers!